How To Reinvent Your Mindset As You Age

I had a conversation with a client the other day and she expressed to me how hard aging has been for her. I asked her in what way and she said she felt less relevant and she no longer had a place in society. She said “I feel invisible” and “people used to look at me on the street, or pay attention when I talked. Now it feels like everyone ignores me, just because I’ve gotten older.”

Now, when I look at her, I see a highly successful, wonderful woman who women of any age would aspire to be like! But I hear this sentiment from a lot of my clients and friends. So, to help us all revamp our mindset towards aging, I brought in my new friend Jack Trama – host of the Mindset Reinvented Podcast. You may recognize his name from my recent newsletter where I plugged the episode I recorded with him (if you haven’t listened to it yet, you can do so here)! Jack is an extremely intelligent and in-tune individual who has a ton of practical knowledge and advice for aging better. 

Below, Jack answers some of my pressing questions about mindset and dishes out his best advice for changing our thoughts about aging. By the end of this, I hope you feel ready to embrace your age and tackle whatever tough thoughts or experiences come your way! 

Renata – So Jack, in your experience, what is required for someone to change their mindset? Are there phases or stages you have to go through, or steps you have to take? Tell me about it. 

Jack – The way I see it, changing one's mindset requires several components. The first critical component is having self-awareness. It’s asking yourself: Am I not liking the way that my life is going? Do I not like the way I'm feeling right now? Because it's one thing to feel a certain way, it's a completely different thing to be able to identify what it is that's causing us to be feeling a certain way. So having self awareness is first. 

The second critical component is going to be around a willingness to change. So you might know the way that you feel or the way that you're thinking about life may not be right, but if you're unwilling to change, you’ll stay in the same place. It’s one definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. We have to want to change. 

And finally, it involves being committed to the process of relearning. Specifically, relearning how to think in a way that will benefit your life and people around you. Aside from those, it’s important to have patience with yourself and also a supportive community around you. If you want to make some major changes to your mindset and you prefer to keep it to yourself, that’s one thing, but if you’re open about your struggles with some close, loved ones and friends, it can be a huge benefit. So at the end of the day, it comes down to having self-awareness, willingness to change, and a commitment to relearning. 

Wow, that all really resonates with me. So in your opinion what role do limiting beliefs play in achieving self-awareness, willingness, etc.? What are some of the most common limiting beliefs you’ve encountered in your work with women, especially as they age?

Over the course of thousands of conversations with people, I've recognized a whole litany of limiting beliefs that they tell themselves that aren’t true. 

For example, “I'm too old to start something new.” “My best years are behind me.” “I can’t keep up with technology, it makes me anxious.” “My opinions are no longer relevant.” “I'm not attractive anymore.” “I can't change careers. I'm an old dog. Nobody's going to hire me.” “I can't learn new skills at my age.” 

I could go on and on. And what’s interesting is that a lot of people will start with one limiting belief and then turn it into another and another. They all usually have a common thread – lack of confidence in oneself and a lack of acceptance for who they are. Meanwhile, those thoughts are causing them to miss out on the golden years of their lives. If you have these thoughts and you can shift your mindset, there are so many wonderful things that people can do in the senior years of their lives. 

So then what are some of the practical tips that you recommend people do to change those mindsets or those beliefs?

It starts with questioning the validity of the beliefs that you’re holding onto. I tell people: You’re keeping these beliefs close to your psyche, why? We need to get them out of your mind, and the best way to do that in my opinion is journaling. We need to create a list and we need to be honest with ourselves. Let’s figure out what those narratives are in our mind that we tell ourselves – both positive and negative. So first step: Get those thoughts out of your head and down on paper, ideally first thing in the morning so you avoid ruminating on them throughout the day. 

The next step is to come up with a counterexample to your thought. So if you think that you’re too old to start a business, for example, think of someone your age who accomplished a lot later in life. Julia Child started her cooking career and published her first cookbook at 50. Vera Wang entered the fashion industry at 40. So you can see there’s a huge disparity between the way that one person thinks and the way another thinks.

Third, work on reframing those thoughts you wrote down. So for example, if you say to yourself, “I can't keep up with new technology,” you can reframe that by saying, “I have the opportunity to learn exciting new skills that can enhance my life and keep my mind sharp.” That's encouraging, that's positive, and that’s something to look forward to. Another negative belief is “I'm too old to start a new career,” – reframe that and say, “My years of experience are so incredibly valuable, and they would be transferable over to a new career. I would run circles around people that were younger than me.” Do these sorts of exercises enough times and you will feel your thoughts start to change because you’re literally rewiring your brain. 

What about confidence? I see a lot of women start to lose their confidence as they age. How can we boost and/or counteract that? 

The exercises above will definitely help with your self-confidence, and so does keeping promises that you make to yourself and honoring your commitments. When you break your own promises, it will chip away at your self worth faster than anything else. I think that as humans, it’s so easy for us to take the easy way out or the shortcut. What’s one day, right? But one day is almost never just one day. And when we set that precedent of not honoring our commitments, we just don’t. So usually I tell people to schedule their personal commitments like they would anything else – carve out the time in your calendar, get it on your schedule, make the time, don’t let anything get in the way of it. Pick a healthy habit or activity – something you enjoy, or something that makes your life better – set an achievable goal for it, and choose a time to do it. And every time you keep that promise to yourself, your confidence will grow. 

I love that and definitely find that to be true myself. To close out, what advice would you give someone who is worried that they’ll have regrets at the end of their life? 

As we get older, it’s normal to look back, survey all of the experiences we’ve had, and ask ourselves: did I live a life of regret? Did I give it my best shot? Do I have an overwhelming feeling of regret or of peace? If the feeling is regret, you have to remember that, in a sense, it’s reversible. The mind is a tool – we can either use it for us or we can use it against us. That is a choice. So if we use it as a tool, it’s going to enhance our lives.

I hope you found this interview with Jack helpful and that you feel like you have somewhere to start with changing your mindset for the better. If you haven’t already, make sure to tune in to Jack’s amazing podcast, Mindset Reinvented. Huge thank you to Jack for being our featured expert this week!

Xo, 

Renata